“I just want to wake up and feel happy,” Kara said when we started working together. She hesitated to give voice to this deep authentic desire. It didn’t feel big enough, world-changing enough. She felt guilty, greedy, ungrateful even going there. Her life was good. She was a partner in a business she helped build for 20 years. She had a husband and two children she loved. And yet despite her accomplishments, therapy, medication, and a personal development journey she’d been on, she was lacking what she longed for most — to wake up feeling happy. A few months after we began working together, Kara was at the retreat (that is a part of our year-long program, The Thriving Circle™). She was visibly transformed. She was radiating light and lightness and relaxation. She didn’t hold back her smile as she shared: “I now have what I most desired. I wake up feeling happy.”
WHAT IF THERE IS
WRONG WITH YOU?
My name is Dr. Valerie Rein… and if we were measuring the quality
of a life by checking off “the boxes,”
it would have appeared that I had achieved success:
4 degrees, including 2 Master’s and a PhD.
A successful career and 3 businesses.
A great husband, a wonderful daughter, and a pretty house in the NYC suburbs.
A happily ever after…
Had some wine in the evenings to relax. But who doesn’t? Didn’t have the passion or romance in my marriage. But who does? I was gaining weight and feeling tired all the time. My thyroid and adrenals were cracking. But that’s just what happens when you’re pushing 40, right?
And then one fine afternoon…I found myself in the ER with symptoms of a stroke.
I was on the phone with a client. I smiled, but only the right side of my face engaged. The left side of my face and body felt weak and not responsive.
I finished the phone call (not right away, but when it was due to finish because… you know… responsibilities) and headed out to drive myself—with my right hand on the steering wheel—to the nearest hospital. (Tells you something about my life at the time. In fact, it tells you more than I was ready to admit then.)
Luckily, it wasn’t a stroke. It was “just” stress.
I had a nice “spa day” in the ER—didn’t have to do anything, run anywhere, take care
There were no demands on me. I just had to lay there and breathe. Guilt-free; possibly for the first time as a mother, wife, and professional. It took a stroke scare to qualify me for a hall pass?!?
I was being taken care of and waited on hand and foot. (You know you’re in trouble if this sounds dreamy to you.)
I had time and space to think and reflect on my life for the first time in a long, long time. The ER monitors meditatively beeping in the background.
Beep, beep, beep…
And in that quiet, meditative space, a really disturbing thought bubbled up,
“WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO ME? THIS IS THE LIFE I DREAMED OF AND WORKED SO HARD FOR?!”
The pretty facade of my dead-woman-walking “perfect” life began to peel away. This revelation stirred up another big question:
Why was it that my clients were having these massive breakthroughs, and I felt so stuck, stressed, and suffocating inside a box that I myself had built?
And then the light bulb went off.
The active ingredient in all the healing work I did with my clients was mind-body trauma resolution. I understood that trauma was the root cause of anxiety, depression, stress, relationship, money, and most health issues. Even if (and especially if) a person did not think they had any trauma.
Those emotional, verbal, physical, and sexual experiences—no matter how “not a big deal” they were, no matter how long ago they happened, and even if—and especially if —they thought they’d “moved on…” were affecting them. They were imprinted in their subconscious, in their nervous system, in their body. The body never forgets. The body never lies. Even if the mind—and especially if the mind—creates all these other stories.
I knew all that, so why do you think I was not using the trauma healing tools for myself?
I didn’t think I had any trauma. Yes. Ironic. I know. Sigh.
I know better now.
This knowing better has saved my life.
I’ve organized the practices that took me from stuck to breakthrough, to a new level of joy, happiness, and fulfillment in my work, relationships, and health—well beyond what I thought was possible for me—in my 5-step “jailbreak” system (that since has evolved into the Thriving Method™ co-developed with my partner Jeffrey Tambor). I used this system to heal the toxic effects of Patriarchy Stress Disorder that had been keeping me stuck…
Stuck running in the hamster wheel of trying to achieve more, only to have to keep up with myself and then outrun myself. Stuck running faster and faster and going nowhere. Stuck doing more and more—but enjoying less and less.
The foundation of this system came from my doctoral research on transformation and well over 20,000 hours of practice as a therapist and coach at that time.
But, even as I’ve been helping women find freedom, happiness, and fulfillment, it took me over a decade to see the walls of my own prison—and experience my own jailbreak.
My own transformation, however, isn’t the best part…
Witnessing powerful women create their transformations has been humbling and inspiring.
I’ve had the privilege of working with:
Bernadette, a brilliant and successful woman she is, has effectively solved most problems she’s ever faced. As she got in touch with her desire to release the weight that felt inauthentic, she threw all she had at solving it and went on multiple diets and exercise programs — with little to no results. She’s come across intuitive eating and it felt like the right approach. But it failed to bring her the results she was looking for. More often than not, she found herself “intuitively” scraping off the insides of the pint of Haagen-Dazs. After graduating from our program she shared that she had released 21 lbs in less than 8 weeks — without trying or even knowing she was losing weight. She hadn’t gone on a diet or changed her exercise routine. Through the work we did in our program, Bernadette began feeling safe in her body and in touch with her body’s authentic needs. Her cortisol levels dropped and she was finally able to nourish her body intuitively. That reclaimed intuition is also serving her in her business — but that’s a story for another time.
Once you’re on the outside, there’s no going back.
You feel like a whole different person.
You feel life yourself.
You feel ease and peace.
You stop the war on yourself.
The inner critic goes away.
There’s a permanent ceasefire with your body.
Your body becomes your friend.
You experience your own unconditional beauty — outside of “patriarchy perfect.”
Your mind becomes your efficient employee — not the CEO. Your inner knowing is reinstated in that role.
Making right decisions in your work and personal life becomes effortless. The tormenting self-doubt and indecision are now things of the past.
Your energy and vitality return. The hormones balance out naturally. You’re feeling and looking younger.
Your resilience is off the charts. You’re unbreakable. Unsinkable. No matter what challenges and crises life throws at you. You roll through them like the queen that you are.
You love your life. Because, woman, you’ve EARNED IT.
DR. VALERIE REIN
Dr. Valerie Rein is a psychologist, women’s mental health expert, and business consultant who has discovered Patriarchy Stress Disorder (PSD) and created the only science-backed system for helping women achieve their ultimate success, happiness, and fulfillment by healing the intergenerational trauma of oppression.
She holds an EdM in Psychological Counseling from Columbia University and a PhD in Psychology from the Institute of Transpersonal Psychology. Her bestselling book, “Patriarchy Stress Disorder: The Invisible Inner Barrier to Women’s Happiness and Fulfillment” has been heralded by Amazon reviewers as “the most important body of literary work of our modern times” and “perhaps the most important book of the century for women.”
Dr. Valerie is most passionate about the intersections of deep inner work and business. She is a sought-after speaker at conferences and companies committed to diversity and inclusion, leadership development, and unlocking people’s full potential.
Jeffrey Tambor was born to a family committed to personal growth. He started seeing a therapist when he was 3 years old. By the time he was in high school, Jeffrey was disillusioned, depressed, and suicidal. He turned to diverse spiritual traditions and alternative healing modalities to save his life.
Over the following 20 years, Jeffrey studied and practiced a wide variety of mind-body-energy modalities for trauma healing and personal transformation and trained with experts in the field of energy psychology and somatic trauma resolution. He synthesized working with ancestral, collective, and early developmental trauma into a unique, comprehensive and effective approach.
Jeffrey is committed to saving people and families decades and generations of suffering by helping them unlock the trauma at the core of their pain — using an efficient mix of cutting-edge inner work methodologies.
Dr. Valerie and Jeffrey
met following their passion for sharing with people their combined over 40 years of studying, practicing, synthesizing, and honing most effective and efficient approaches to healing and personal growth.
After joining forces as partners in life and business, they have been co-developing The Thriving Method™ — the secret weapon behind the rapid and profound transformations their clients experience in their profound transformations.
Together, they have founded The Thriving Institute™ dedicated to training Thriving Facilitators™ who use their powerful methodology to promote personal healing and growth, conscious corporate leadership, diversity, equity, and inclusion.
They live in Tucson, AZ, with their two children. They enjoy sunshine, hiking, dancing, delicious local organic food, and lots of inner work that supports them in mastering, teaching, and exploring the further reaches of the game of “how good can it get?”
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